When you are struggling in any relationship in your life, Julia’s advice is to not always share the details with your friends, or if you do, to be very aware of who you choose to confide in.
We’ve most likely all been in a situation where we’re having a difficult time in a relationship, be it personal or professional, and feel the need to talk it out with someone.
It’s natural to turn to friends for comfort or advice. However, discussing your relationship struggles with friends may not always be the best move.
Here are a few thoughts on why it’s good to be discerning about who you share your relationship issues with and how to handle the need to talk when it arises.
Sharing with others
When you’re experiencing relationship issues, it’s perfectly natural to want to share your worries or seek advice from someone you trust. Your friends are usually the first people you think of because they’re supportive and understanding. But it’s important to be aware that your friends will unwittingly bring their own biases, experiences, and conditioning into the mix, which can lead to well-meaning but potentially misguided advice.
The Influence of Bias
Every person has a unique perspective shaped by their own experiences and influences. When your friends give relationship advice, they’re often sharing their views based on their own paradigms. As a result, they might unknowingly offer biased advice that doesn’t align with your situation or feelings.
For instance, one friend might advise breaking up because that’s what they did in a similar situation, while another might suggest staying together no matter what because they believe in working through every problem. These conflicting perspectives can be confusing.
Why Professional Guidance Can Often Be Better
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need to talk to someone, consider seeking out a therapist or counsellor. Ideally, they will listen without bias and offer advice tailored to your unique situation. They won’t project any preconceived notions about you or the person you may be struggling in a relationship with, which allows for new pathways and perspectives.
Choosing Friends Wisely
If professional help isn’t an option for you and you feel the need to talk to someone you already know, choose wisely. Select friends whom you trust to truly listen and to be completely non-judgemental. Before you share, make it clear to them what you need: a listening ear, not necessarily advice.
State upfront that you value their friendship and trust them, but that even if you’re looking for solutions, you need understanding and awareness, and you might not take their advice, should they give it!
Make Up Your Own Mind
Sometimes, you might wish to talk to multiple friends about your relationship issues, and so you could potentially receive conflicting advice. This can be more confusing than helpful, but on the other hand, it could help direct you to your own decision as it becomes clear within the many views.
Sometimes, you just need to unburden yourself. In such cases, tell your friend that you simply want to talk and don’t need them to offer solutions.
This way, you can process your thoughts and feelings without the added pressure of acting on someone else’s advice.
Trust Yourself
At the end of the day, the answers do lie within you, but so often, we have lost our way through the rough and tumble of growing up, and our adaptations to our childhood hurts.
Therefore, seeking someone to help reveal the patterns that may be preventing you from truly enjoying your relationships is a good move!
It can help you reset your inner compass, re-discover who you truly are, and determine which direction you need to take.
Ultimately, we should remember that the quality of all our relationships is dependent on the quality of our relationship with ourselves.
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